#FirstIsraeliBirthday

Many of you have heard (because I was basically shouting it from the rooftops of social media) but some of you haven't: January 7th I officially celebrated my 1 year Aliyah Anniversary. This has been a long anticipated day in my life and so the blog post that was meant to come with it also got a lot of preparation. I have a pile of scribbled on scraps of paper, countless notes on my iphone, quotes from books and movies—but I'm not going to put any of it on here, at least not today.

I thought about it a lot and I just have too many feelings. Everything I've written is disjointed. I'm happy beyond belief. I'm tired and have frustrations. I see the light of hope for my future here. I cry in the dark because I miss my family. I don't always have a lot in my bank account but I've managed to keep my belly full. I work and work and work and yet I can't seem to work enough.

My thoughts about Israel are endless. This is not a new story. But what did I want to say about this day?

I found this quote: "If something burns your soul with purpose and desire, it's your duty to be reduced to ashes by it. Any other form of existence will be yet another dull book in the library of life." –Charles Bukowski

When people ask me "Why did you make Aliyah?" I struggle to answer. The usual things I say feel cheesy (even if they are true). I am always seeking a more authentic way to express myself.

Well, here it is. Israel brings me so much joy but it also brings hardships and challenges and deep self-questioning to my life. It literally burns my soul with purpose and desire. Once the fire was lit I couldn't put it out—I still can't. And that is why I am here. And that is how I made it to 1 year. And that is how and why I will be here for many, many more.